Heres how to use mindfulness to make better decisions

Heres how to use mindfulness to make better decisionsHeres how to use mindfulness to make better decisionsA lot of the time you know what the smart thing to do is. But youre still worried about how it might turn out. Or regrets about a past decision are making you overthink things.Your brain is telling you all kinds of negative stories about how stuff might go wrong and you end up more focused on alleviating those concerns than making choices based on your values.So you play it too safe. Or you get reckless and swing for the fences. Or youre paralyzed and procrastinate. But theres a way out of this loop. Cue the trumpetsMindfulness. That thing everybody these days thinks is so darn cool but nobody can tell you what it means.Alright, quick definition for our purposesawareness of your thoughts and feelings without being consumed by them.(Yeah, I know, that clarifies nothing for you yet. Well, gimme a second here. Were just getting started, okay? Jeez.)A lot of smart psychologists took mindfulness and science-tized it and created ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.)Lets see how ACT can help you deal with your negative thoughts so you can make smarter decisions based on whats really important to you.Mindfulness to the rescue. (And, no, Im not gonna make you meditate.)Lets get to itHow to stop negative thoughts foreverYou cant. The end.Seriously, you aresonot in charge of your brain its not even funny. Go ahead and delete that memory of the time you embarrassed yourself in front of that cute person you liked in high school. Go ahead. Try.Any luck? Didnt think so. And the result of trying to suppress thoughts is even worse.FromACT Made Simpleresearch shows that suppression of unwanted thoughts can lead to a rebound effect an increase in both intensity and frequency of the unwanted thoughts (Wenzlaff Wegner, 2000).So mental whack-a-mole doesnt work. But heres some good news the negative thoughts arent really the problem when it comes to decision-making.Your brain makes thoughts. Thats what it does. And some of those thoughts will always be negative because your grey matter lives by the motto of better safe than sorry.Thousands and thousands of years ago, Caveman 1 thought a snake was a stick, got bitten, died and didnt reproduce. Caveman 2, who walked around petrified that every stick was a snake, had lots of kids and now were stuck with brains that create problems even when there arent any. Thanks, evolution.But that doesnt have to lead to poor decisions and bad behavior. Your thoughts dont immediately control your actions. You get to decide. At times, youve been worried but still made the correct choice anyway, right? Right.(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new bookhere.)So whatisthe problem here? In ACT, they call it fusion. No, were not talking about nuclear reactorsYou are not your thoughtsYour brain produces thoughts. They just bubble up all the time. Some are utterly ridiculous (What if I filled surg ical gloves with butterscotch pudding?) and you just dismiss them.But sometimes you take that storyteller in your head all too seriously. So seriously, in fact, that you think that negative voice in your head isyouand you ansturm with whatever it saysIm such an idiot.This will never work.Im no good at this, its gonna blow up in my face and be shown on national television.This is fusion. Its when an idea pops into your head and you take it as fact, when its just another goofy possibility your noggin is bubbling up.FromACT Made SimpleIn a state of cognitive fusion, were inseparable from our thoughts were welded to them, bonded to them, so caught up in them that we arent even aware that we are thinking. Cognitive fusion basically means that our thoughts dominate our behavior. Thus in ACT, we may talk with clients of being pushed around by your thoughts or allowing thoughts to tell you what to do, or we may talk of thoughts as bullies, or we may compare the mind to a fascist dictator, o r we may ask, What happens when you let that thought run your life? Similarly, when our thoughts dominate our attention, we often talk about being hooked, entangled, caught up, or carried off by them.Things dont go your way and the grey matter pops out Life sucks And you believe it. Thats you fusing with a judgment.There are many different ways to interpret whats going on. But youre identifying with this negative one and saying, Yep. I heard it in my head. It must be true. That voice has never ever ever been wrong in my entire life so it is fact.When you fuse with bad memories you get regrets. When you fuse with scary visions of the future you get worried. These often end up affecting your decision making. And rarely for the better.(To learn the seven-step morning ritual that will make you happy all day, clickhere.)So how do you stop fusion? Oh, thats defusionDefuse the bombYouve done this before and didnt realize it. Have you ever stepped back from your negative thoughts and said, Whoa, whats with all this worrying in my ruder?Its like you pulled off the VR goggles and realized that whats being projected on them isnt the only way to see the world.FromACT Made SimpleFusion means getting caught up in our thoughts and allowing them to dominate our behavior. Defusion means separating or distancing from our thoughts, letting them come and go instead of being caught up in them. In other words, defusion means looking at thoughts rather than from thoughts noticing thoughts rather than being caught up in thoughts and letting thoughts come and go rather than holding on to them.When you experience fusion, that thought in your head is The Truth. It must be immediately reacted to. And you cling to it even if it makes you miserable.But when you give defusion a try, a thought is just an idea. Maybe its true, maybe its not. You dont have to obey it, you can merely consider it.So when youre mindful - when you choose to defuse - worries and other negative thoughts cease to b e a blaring fire alarm that you must react to. Instead, theyre a smartphone notification that you can choose to ignore.(To learn the 3 secrets from neuroscience that will make you emotionally intelligent, clickhere.)Great. So how do you do it?Ask What is my brain telling me right now?Ha I just tricked you into defusing. See how my brain is built into the sentence?Youre acknowledging that the negative thoughts are not you - theyre your brain.Youdidnt say Im such a loser - your brain did. Youre creating some distance there. And you can use that distance to question the thought.Yeah, often youll question the thought and come back with, But itstrue. I am a loser. I screwed this up last time and Ill screw it up again.Now you and I could go round and round with me telling you its not true and you saying it is true. But is itreallytrue? Heres the thingI dont care.And neither should you. When it comes to mindfulness, Is it true? is the wrong question.The right question is Is it useful?Is telling yourself youre a loser going to help you do the things that will make you not-a-loser? Nope.FromACT Made Simplewhat were interested in is not whether a thought is true or false, but whether its helpful. When that thought pops into your head, does it help you to get all caught up in it? Does it motivate you to exercise, or eat well, or spend time doing the things that make life rich and rewarding?So defuse. Step back. Say, I notice Im having the thought that Im a loser.That gives you distance. It puts the thought on trial.And often (but not always) that takes some of the sting out of it. You can observe it rather than immediately running with it - and making the kind of decision a real loser would make.And then hit it with the important question Is it useful?If you run with this idea as truth, is it going to get you where you want to go? Will it help you take effective action? Is this thought going to help you be who you want to be?Then make a decision based on whats really relevant - not your worries, regrets or fears.(To learn more about the neuroscience of mindfulness, clickhere.)Okay, lets round it up and learn how to quickly keep negative thoughts at a distance - and make even better decisions going forwardSum upThis is how to use mindfulness to make better decisionsYou cant prevent negative thoughts Stop trying. Wrestling with them only makes them worse.The real problem is fusion When you treat your negative thoughts as indisputable factsand not merely ideas produced by your brain, thats when they cause problems.Ask What is my brain telling me right now? Get some distance from your thoughts. Treat them as possibilities, not The Truth.Ask Is it useful? Doesnt matter if theyre true. It matters if the thoughts help you get where you want to go.Over time, you want to make note of the thoughts you regularly fuse with. (Maybe its I cant handle this or Im going to embarrass myself.)And then gently make fun of itOh, so were playing the Im not good enou gh popsong again?It takes practice to not get swept away by your thoughts. Youre going to have to spend time at it.Maybe youre looking at all this mindfulness stuff right now and thinking, Ill never be able to do this. Im an idiot. No problem.Take defusing to the meta-level. Say, I notice Im having the thought that Ill never be able to do this and Im an idiot.Join more than 320,000 readers.Get a free weekly update via emailhere.Related postsNew Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You HappyNew Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More SuccessfulHow To Get People To Like You 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior ExpertThis article first appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.